My head is always full of ‘noise’. I try and project this calmness, but I’m constantly overthinking. About my day, my kids, my husband, the past, the future, relationships, is that appropriate, is that acceptable. Did I leave that conversation unfinished? Did I speak over the top of that person? Did I speak too much? Or not enough? Did they say what they needed to say? Will my opinion hurt someone? Does my opinion actually matter? Am I doing the right job? A good job? Was I there for that person when they needed it?
There’s an anxiousness over almost everything I do. I’m trying to teach myself to think and see what others do. I need to accept compliments and not cringe and shy away from them. I try and talk myself out of things when I feel like it could escalate to a panic or anxiety attack. But sometimes they just appear out of nowhere and for no real reason. Although it never feels like that at the time. I’ve learnt over the years that they do pass, I’m not having a heart attack, I will get through it. I use exercise and ocean swims to clear my head when I can. And actually opening up and talking to people about these experiences and thoughts have truly helped also. I’m not alone in this. More often than not opening up a conversation about my own mental health has allowed others to express about theirs and even laugh over things and relate in ways unexpected.